Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
