She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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