i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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