Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize