Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
