I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
