I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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