No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
