If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like eating out sand paper
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
