the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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