Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
