So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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