this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So many bounce houses so little time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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