sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
