I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
