I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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