This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You pole danced in your parka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
