i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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