Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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