She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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