names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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