if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
