it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
