He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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