he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
