Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think your dad took our porno
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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