my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
