We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
