somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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