My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
