Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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