I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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