I'm really into asian looking animals
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
