Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
