She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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