So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
