i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
