i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
