Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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