Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
