what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
