She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
