Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
