why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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