I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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