i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
