All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
