Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
