Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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