btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
