32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
