you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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