Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
